The Spell I Keep Talking About

It started as a joke but I think it's actually working. I feel myself getting stronger by the minute as the world's energies continue to align in my favor. Strange things continue to happen. The first rule is you have to believe. I didn’t think I ever would, but everything has been making so much sense over here! The second rule is the energy you conjure will come back to you, which I’ve found to be true. The fact I haven't shat in 9 days is only proof that the dark energy I’ve been channeling is making its way back to me and my bowels. But I am getting closer and closer to him. I nearly touched him last night, nearly got my hands around his orange neck. Nothing will stop me. I hope you all recognize my sacrifice and I pray for your sake that my labor is fruitful.